Provocative opinions aired on the clothes line of life.

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Putting Your Best Face Forward

Throughout the course of an average day I  periodically succumb to my wild imagination and fall victim to prolonged speculative thinking. (Which not only hinders my productivity but also gives the impression to the people around me that I'm slightly unhinged). And naturally I can often be found trying to discern what the fundamental reason is behind my single status. Why do I come home to an empty bed every night? What exactly is that fatally flawed characteristic which prohibits me from becoming one half of a whole?

Last night however I finally discovered what the once tantalizingly indistinguishable reason was which had nagged me for years and have basked in the contentment of realization ever since. Tacos. Or to be more specific: the way in which I ate my tacos. I am actually going to die alone. An omission which is oddly calming. But anyway back to the Mexican horror show: pieces of mince and sauce dropping on to the untouched shells with a sickening thud, sour cream slurping down my chin and into my cleavage, grated cheese escaping into the folds of my pillow case (yes I also eat my meals in bed most of the time). All in all it was horrifically repugnant and shouldn't be viewed by an unassuming pet let alone another human being.

Interestingly, other reasons which have since been suggested to me since regaling people with my breakthrough are: that I snort when I find something especially amusing and apparently snore like a wildebeest. Did I mention that in lieu of having a special man in my life I'm surrounded by compassionate and understanding friends?

In the world of real life dating, such slovenly behaviour in front of your current squeeze just isn't tolerated. However the online world not only indulges it but deems it almost necessary in order to put yourself at ease and interact with your love interest in comfort. Which is exactly what I set about doing: searching for men who had no idea that I was currently totally unrecognizable from my photogenic default photograph (after licking my plate of course). Which is quite possibly one of the ultimate benefits of online dating. Conversing with single and attractive men while in a state of abstract ugliness would never be possible in the offline world.

And since registering with Singles Warehouse I've been putting my best face forward onscreen when in reality I'd have the power to turn someone to stone. (I think that's what they call empowered). 

Singles Warehouse is categorised in the general section of online dating sites. Which is the category I recommend. It's all very well registering yourself on a niche site in pursuit of people who share your specific beliefs, but the obvious drawback is that they're very limiting. And you're just not going to find as many people available as you would on a general site.

The great thing about Singles Warehouse in particular is that it's a perfect transition for avid users of social networking platforms such as Facebook, because it incorporates a lot of the elements that users will find familiar. Such as a timeline of events letting you know what other users are up to. But unlike Facebook it affords you the privilege of finding out which users have taken an interest and viewed your profile - stalkers heaven.

You're able to filter the messages you receive according to age and location, so you're not disappointed when you excitedly open your bursting inbox only to discover it's filled with men in their 50s or people who are very attractive but live on a different continent.

You can also use this tool to send out an icebreaker to men in your area who fit your requirements. And even though I'm not a fan of the 'one size fits all' message approach, it really is handy in getting the ball rolling and is more a tool for women than it is for men. You're guaranteed responses from men, because they're simple to maintain - kind of like plants. Women however need to feel as though they're the only one so appealing to them in this way will not get results. Men can instead use this tool to say something witty and refreshing which isn't aimed at all women but more like a tweet or a Facebook status.

And unlike other dating sites, user communication isn't just limited to inbox messages and instant messaging. It has an active community, allowing members to engage with each other through personal journals - which make for some very interesting reading! It doesn't have to be a literary masterpiece to captivate your attention. It serves as turning a one-dimensional biography into a well-rounded portrayal of a person by subtly revealing the aspects of their personality.


It also incorporates a facility which I haven't seen anywhere else and that's a video function. If you struggle to come across well via the written word you should probably avoid online dating as a whole and any activity which doesn't involve coloured pencils. But it certainly enhances a profile and reveals the mystery of imagining what their voice sounds like.

Which can also serve as a deterrent, because if they have a particularly off-putting accent at least you can nip it in the bud early on and be on your way. Personally I'm pretty apathetic towards accents. But a deep masculine voice is essential criteria. Which is one of the reasons David Beckham and I never worked out.