Provocative opinions aired on the clothes line of life.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

How To Make Dating Online Work For You

A GUEST POST written by Elizabeth Marie

I used to online date like it was my J-O-B. Constantly updating my profile so it was the perfect combination of wit, intelligence and screamed “perfect sexy sweet girlfriend material.” Compulsively checking my inbox and responding to messages, winks and IM’s all day long.  Facebook stalking potential dates (you do it too), skyping, flirty phone conversations, constant texting...I’m exhausted just thinking about it. 

I couldn’t believe I was already sick of online dating before I’d even met these guys in person. Suffice to say, offline these men weren’t exactly worth all the time I’d wasted on them online.

I was burned out, annoyed and thinking about cancelling my accounts. But I’d already paid for a set amount of time in advance and I like to get my moneys worth.  I knew I was going about this all wrong, so I decided to make two simple changes in an attempt to free myself from the chains of online dating and start having fun again! 

Stop Being A Phone Whore!
I work on the computer all day, as I’m sure most of you do.  Coming home from the office only to deal with even more emails felt like yet more work and was drastically unappealing.  Texting, on the other hand was fine.  I started giving out my phone number to the guys I was emailing online so we could keep the conversation going, but I could shut down the computer. Win-win, right?  Wrong.  I started texting so many guys, I was getting confused and annoyed.  Each time my phone went off I resisted the urge to throw it out the window.  I was on the phone so much with virtual strangers I stopped having time to talk to my actual friends. These guys started calling at all hours of the day and most of our conversations felt forced and awkward.  New plan!  I decided to only give my phone number to guys as we were discussing plans to meet.  Everything else remained on email. 

Be Rude! 
During my first online dating stint, I felt guilty if I didn’t respond to every email or wink, even from guys I knew I had no interest in.  I didn’t want to be rude or hurt their delicate feelings. Even a quick "No thank you, but good luck” email takes 5-10 minutes to write, and that time can add up and drastically cut into my important trashy reality T.V watching schedule.  I started being selective with who got a response from me, plain and simple - but more importantly, I stopped feeling so damn guilty about it.  I figured if I wouldn’t talk to someone on the street, I wouldn’t talk to him online.

Like I said, this is all before I met anyone in person (that is another blog post in itself), and it saved me a lot of time and frustration.  Logging into my online dating site stopped feeling like a burden, and I met a lot of great guys, with a few nutjobs thrown in for good measure.  I mean, it is the Internet. 

We Love Dates is an online dating website & dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa & Australia.  Liz blogs (and vlogs!) about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships.  Follow We Love Dates on Twitter, and get friendly with us on Facebook.